How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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