called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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