He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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