...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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