I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
