I love having hate sex.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
