She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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