Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
