Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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