i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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