4 words: hood of his car
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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