My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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