I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
