I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
