he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
