he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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