hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
