sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize