this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
