I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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