Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
