You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just pee around me
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
