Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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