Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize