Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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