I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
it wasn't lemon gatorade
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
