what day is it and did you see me today?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I deserve this hangover.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
