i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
