you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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