you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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