I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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