The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
