Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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