All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
