I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
