took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
