I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize