One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
