i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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