She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
