Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize