He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize