I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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