6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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