So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
