1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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