youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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