better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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