I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
