all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
