Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize