you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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