i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
