Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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