non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
