Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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