It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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