i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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