he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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