dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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