good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
