Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
