we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
